Post by angela on Apr 10, 2014 20:25:00 GMT -6
So I have this friend I've known since I moved to Texas at the end of third grade. She was super nice and was one of the first people I met. We got along pretty well and all that jazz. In about sixth grade, she started getting very withdrawn and moody, and a lot of her old friends cut ties with her because she was in a bad mood all the time.
Fast forward to high school. My friend has cut her hair short, and she uses her side bangs to hide her face all the time. She never looks up, and she rarely speaks. I've had people ask me if she ever talked. I'm fairly certain she hasn't made any new friends she talks to without me or another one of my other friends around. She absolutely refuses to do anything that requires her to talk to people on her own. For instance, she was willing to take a 0 as a grade because she didn't want to go down to a classroom on her own and print her assignment off, for fear of having to talk to the teacher. I had to go with her and wait for her to finish; otherwise, she would have accepted failing, even though she hasn't been doing well in that class. I can't work on group projects with her because she doesn't talk, and so I can't get ideas from her at all. She also seems to be unmotivated and apathetic about everything, and that rubs the wrong way on my ambitious nature.
[rant ahead that makes me sound snobbish that should go into the rant board, and which you should ignore because it's not 100% pertinent to what i have to say, but is just letting off steam]
I already sound pretty irritated about this, but there's more. I've found myself to be so annoyed by her that I've been avoiding her if my other friends aren't around. When we went to NY, I had to always be with her, which probably worsened everything tenfold. I'd already found it harder to have a conversation with her before the trip. I'm pretty bad at jumpstarting conversations myself, so it's partially me to blame, but I honestly can't talk about anything with her without feeling awkward about it. It was especially a problem because I was basically her stuck to her for five days. I had to wait for her when she forgot something (or accidentally took something), and I had to wait for her to get lunch at one point because she refused to eat anything that wasn't Big name, like McDonalds or Chick-fil-A. That happened to be at Grand Central Station, when there were long lines and no room to eat. I couldn't leave her due to safety reasons, but I also couldn't eat my own food (which I had gotten from one from the first restaurants I saw since I knew we only had about thirty minutes to eat) since I wasn't allowed to do so in the restaurant she was getting food from. I ended up spending more than the money I was given, and I didn't have the chance to finish my lunch, since rice is a whole lot slower to eat than a slice of pizza, which she ended up getting. I did end up snapping at her a few times during the trip because I was extremely tired of waiting on her, and I wanted to talk to the friends I was closer to, who I couldn't room with because there were only 4 in a room. They had been assigned with a completely different chaperone thanmy friend and I were assigned, and because we have to stick with our chaperone groups at all time, I couldn't really talk to those other friends. So, I was left with my friend who I could barely hold a conversation with. I did apologize for being a jerk, but I still was fairly annoyed.
[end rant]
I know I sound extremely biting and irritated, because I am. However, I am also very much aware that my friend might be suffering from depression and social anxiety, and it may be a major reason why she's acting the way she is. So, even though it's gotten to the point which I merely tolerate her -- and I know that's absolutely terrible to say, but it's true -- I am worried. I honestly don't want to directly talk to her about such sensitive things because she will shut down even more than she's already had. Should I talk to her mother, even though I'm not at her house often enough to be able to do so (thanks Asian parents)? Should I talk to a counselor? What should I do?
Fast forward to high school. My friend has cut her hair short, and she uses her side bangs to hide her face all the time. She never looks up, and she rarely speaks. I've had people ask me if she ever talked. I'm fairly certain she hasn't made any new friends she talks to without me or another one of my other friends around. She absolutely refuses to do anything that requires her to talk to people on her own. For instance, she was willing to take a 0 as a grade because she didn't want to go down to a classroom on her own and print her assignment off, for fear of having to talk to the teacher. I had to go with her and wait for her to finish; otherwise, she would have accepted failing, even though she hasn't been doing well in that class. I can't work on group projects with her because she doesn't talk, and so I can't get ideas from her at all. She also seems to be unmotivated and apathetic about everything, and that rubs the wrong way on my ambitious nature.
[rant ahead that makes me sound snobbish that should go into the rant board, and which you should ignore because it's not 100% pertinent to what i have to say, but is just letting off steam]
I already sound pretty irritated about this, but there's more. I've found myself to be so annoyed by her that I've been avoiding her if my other friends aren't around. When we went to NY, I had to always be with her, which probably worsened everything tenfold. I'd already found it harder to have a conversation with her before the trip. I'm pretty bad at jumpstarting conversations myself, so it's partially me to blame, but I honestly can't talk about anything with her without feeling awkward about it. It was especially a problem because I was basically her stuck to her for five days. I had to wait for her when she forgot something (or accidentally took something), and I had to wait for her to get lunch at one point because she refused to eat anything that wasn't Big name, like McDonalds or Chick-fil-A. That happened to be at Grand Central Station, when there were long lines and no room to eat. I couldn't leave her due to safety reasons, but I also couldn't eat my own food (which I had gotten from one from the first restaurants I saw since I knew we only had about thirty minutes to eat) since I wasn't allowed to do so in the restaurant she was getting food from. I ended up spending more than the money I was given, and I didn't have the chance to finish my lunch, since rice is a whole lot slower to eat than a slice of pizza, which she ended up getting. I did end up snapping at her a few times during the trip because I was extremely tired of waiting on her, and I wanted to talk to the friends I was closer to, who I couldn't room with because there were only 4 in a room. They had been assigned with a completely different chaperone thanmy friend and I were assigned, and because we have to stick with our chaperone groups at all time, I couldn't really talk to those other friends. So, I was left with my friend who I could barely hold a conversation with. I did apologize for being a jerk, but I still was fairly annoyed.
[end rant]
I know I sound extremely biting and irritated, because I am. However, I am also very much aware that my friend might be suffering from depression and social anxiety, and it may be a major reason why she's acting the way she is. So, even though it's gotten to the point which I merely tolerate her -- and I know that's absolutely terrible to say, but it's true -- I am worried. I honestly don't want to directly talk to her about such sensitive things because she will shut down even more than she's already had. Should I talk to her mother, even though I'm not at her house often enough to be able to do so (thanks Asian parents)? Should I talk to a counselor? What should I do?
