Post by prouvaire on Mar 27, 2014 16:38:15 GMT -6
I'm going to print out my rejection letters and tape them up on my wall so I can remind myself every day of what a failure I am
they made it seem like they really cared too, like they were """"devastated"""" that they couldn't accept me just like they were """"devastated"""" to reject all other ten million kids who wasted their time and money applying
and it makes sense you know, because I have a 89% in biology right now and nobody with a 89% in biology has a freaking chance of getting into an ivy league school who did I think I was
and my dad said it was okay, but now he's acting really angry about everything and yelling at everybody for the most trivial things and I just know he's disappointed in me because he went to the best university in his whole freaking country and I'm most likely going to a state school because johns hopkins and georgetown are basically the same caliber as an ivy league and my hopes and dreams have already been crushed and I'm going to go to a state school with a campus that makes me really uneasy and my dad is disappointed in me, he thinks I'm a failure
and my mom doesn't understand. Like I walk downstairs in tears and hyperventilating, hardly able to convey the fact that they didn't want me, and she tells me it's no big deal and that I shouldn't stress about it, and I didn't want to eat dinner and she told me not to be in such a bad mood because it really doesn't matter, because I'm practically getting a full ride to UMBC so at least I'm going to college, and that it would have been a struggle to pay for an ivy league school anyways, and I know she's saying all this to make me feel better but I'm just so angry because she's making it seem like this really wasn't a big deal and that I don't have the right to be upset over this one thing that I've wanted since I was a little kid
and I'm so angry at every adult in my life because they're the reason I feel like such a disappointment right now, because they freaking convinced me I was good enough for the ivy league, so they're either giant liars or really disillusioned. I can't believe they had the audacity to push me like that and make me feel like I could actually achieve something. I should have listened to my friends because they all told me not to get my hopes up, but I took the word of the adults over them because I thought adults knew better.
I have so much homework to do right now but I don't want to do any of it because what's the freaking point. I've been stressing myself out for four stupid years, sacrificing physical and mental health, never EVER missing a single homework assignment including extra credit, to the point where sometimes I swear I was about to go into hysterics if I didn't get some freaking sleep because I was stupid enough to believe I had a chance, which kind of proves I'm too dumb for cornell anyways. I want to skip my homework tonight. I want to see those zeros on my progress reports because I've never had one before and I want to sleep early and not care, and I don't want to study for any more tests this year, AP tests included. I want to dance and go to art class and lit class because those are the only real joys of school right now, and I don't want to try hard anymore. I'm done. Every night I spend stressing out about school from this point on is going to be a total waste of my time.
they made it seem like they really cared too, like they were """"devastated"""" that they couldn't accept me just like they were """"devastated"""" to reject all other ten million kids who wasted their time and money applying
and it makes sense you know, because I have a 89% in biology right now and nobody with a 89% in biology has a freaking chance of getting into an ivy league school who did I think I was
and my dad said it was okay, but now he's acting really angry about everything and yelling at everybody for the most trivial things and I just know he's disappointed in me because he went to the best university in his whole freaking country and I'm most likely going to a state school because johns hopkins and georgetown are basically the same caliber as an ivy league and my hopes and dreams have already been crushed and I'm going to go to a state school with a campus that makes me really uneasy and my dad is disappointed in me, he thinks I'm a failure
and my mom doesn't understand. Like I walk downstairs in tears and hyperventilating, hardly able to convey the fact that they didn't want me, and she tells me it's no big deal and that I shouldn't stress about it, and I didn't want to eat dinner and she told me not to be in such a bad mood because it really doesn't matter, because I'm practically getting a full ride to UMBC so at least I'm going to college, and that it would have been a struggle to pay for an ivy league school anyways, and I know she's saying all this to make me feel better but I'm just so angry because she's making it seem like this really wasn't a big deal and that I don't have the right to be upset over this one thing that I've wanted since I was a little kid
and I'm so angry at every adult in my life because they're the reason I feel like such a disappointment right now, because they freaking convinced me I was good enough for the ivy league, so they're either giant liars or really disillusioned. I can't believe they had the audacity to push me like that and make me feel like I could actually achieve something. I should have listened to my friends because they all told me not to get my hopes up, but I took the word of the adults over them because I thought adults knew better.
I have so much homework to do right now but I don't want to do any of it because what's the freaking point. I've been stressing myself out for four stupid years, sacrificing physical and mental health, never EVER missing a single homework assignment including extra credit, to the point where sometimes I swear I was about to go into hysterics if I didn't get some freaking sleep because I was stupid enough to believe I had a chance, which kind of proves I'm too dumb for cornell anyways. I want to skip my homework tonight. I want to see those zeros on my progress reports because I've never had one before and I want to sleep early and not care, and I don't want to study for any more tests this year, AP tests included. I want to dance and go to art class and lit class because those are the only real joys of school right now, and I don't want to try hard anymore. I'm done. Every night I spend stressing out about school from this point on is going to be a total waste of my time.
